Beyond Knowing Your Child’s Internet Usage

Being Informed Goes Beyond Knowing Your Own Child’s Internet Usage

Guest blog by ToBeThode, of To Be Thode, and @tobethode.

Protection

As a mom of five, both stepchildren and biological, I try to protect my kids from the dangers of social media.  Of course, my one and four-year-old are not using Facebook and Twitter yet.  With the way this society operates though, it will not be long before my pre-K son is surfing the net and I have to monitor his usage.  As it is, I already have to watch and be aware of every site that my 8, 9, and 17 year old visit.  I thought I was doing a good job protecting them.  I thought I didn’t have to worry about their pictures being all over the web (unless I added them myself) or their names used in ways that were undesirable.  That was until I realized that, despite my own safeguards, my kids’ identities were not protected.

Discovery

The real shocker came when I found out that my own stepdaughter was in on the game.  My teenage daughter is required to give me the phone numbers of her friends and the places where she is visiting.  It may seem “controlling” to some, but to me, it is just smart.  Little did I know that, thanks to social media, I would find out about her social life.  If you are not aware, Blackberry has an application for Facebook.  As part of that application, you can find Facebook friends simply by allowing Facebook to search your contacts.  This seemed like a great way to connect to friends so I allowed it.  Facebook and my Blackberry met up and did their thing.  Upon logging into Facebook, I was informed that I have friends to add.  What it really should have said was “Surprise! Your kid is lying to you!”

Facebook told that my daughter’s friend “Lisa” (names changed to protect those completely guilty) was really my stepdaughter’s hidden boyfriend “Joe” (again, guilty).  What am I saying?  My daughter gave me a friend’s number to contact her that was really her secret-boyfriend’s number.  Of course, I went to his Facebook page and those of her other friends that she was lying about.  What I found was shocking.  I discovered pictures and comments about my daughter.  Not only first name, but last as well.  In addition, there were pictures that made my stomach turn.  They were innocent enough, but a complete shock to me as the mom who said this relationship was not acceptable because this boy (or man, depending on how you view age) was too old and in bad character.  I immediately contacted this boy and her other friends and told them to remove the unacceptable pictures.  I then talked to my stepdaughter about what I had found.

Fallout

Her answer was clear… “I told them Facebook would get me in trouble.”  Interesting choice of words, don’t you think?

Facebook “ruined her life” according to her.  She said little as to why all of this happened in the first place, but she knew deep down that having her name and pictures on Facebook were going to be the end of her secret relationship.  She thought she was somewhat “safe” because she did not have a Facebook of her own.  Little did she know that my Blackberry was friendly with Facebook.  Little did I know that her absence from Facebook was not enough to keep her and her identity safe.

Conclusions

I think social media is fantastic for some uses.  I even think that kids, while supervised, can benefit from the use of social media.  Where the problems start are when parents are not aware, or in my case, not informed.  My suggestion to all parents is this:  Know what your kids are doing online.  In addition, go further and know what their friends are doing.  You may never know what is out on the World Wide Web about your children if you don’t do your research.  Believe me; I will be doing more than just watching my own kids’ online use from now on

Similar Posts:

• Five Things Bloggers Can Learn From Elves